Refactor Not My Punctuation

 RefactorNotMyPunctuation
 It never did you harm
 Your edit slurs my education
 And whits not to your charm;
 Our wiki bounds with ThreadMesses
 And trite and wonting prose
 Please deal with these excrescences
 'Fore businessing your nose
 With my poor form and lacking smarts
 And bits that show no scintil
 Or I'll befoot your rearward parts
 And show you to the lintel.

And some italicize not for font Or spell to stress their meaning Don't change stress lest you also change Their meaning by your seeming.

 Your dainty prose with all its chaff belies an ego swollen
 The same, perchance, that would append your footnote to my colon.
 You better see you're standing close and safe beside your momma
 When I commence me trance to put the deles to your comma.
 The ways to make it stop and go are manifold; and myriad:
 So why must you insist on ending always with the period?

 My challenger all meek contends with couplets rhymed and rude
 Umbrage to entropic prose where form's misunderstood
 But failing to support this case confuses pride with guileful
 Antic abstract punctuating misdirected style, full
 Glamouring the earful eye while turning logics subtle
 For hearts of beasts that erstwhile fought into a clear rebuttal
 Ending thus the strife that sets one dog to eat another
 (Though no dog ever stomached that fell bitch that is your mother)
 Yet stay our tongue! Beginners need our compliments, not flamage
 And the better part of valor stays the stroke before its damage
 Too swiftly ends the parlay. Come young friend and take th'advice
 Gently to your heart. A stylish slip or phrase not nice
 Or wording not too smart boots less than threads and butchery
 Too common round these parts. RefactorMercilessly
 If you must, but might with banter flip and fey and too familiar
 Start and leave my fly specs where they lay, now would it kill ya?

 Then let us settle down to nearly gentler relations
 As our ancestors would like it, be they canine or what-have-you,
 And dislodging not thy putrid arthropodic defecations
 (As I wonder at the cow whose loins were cold enough to calve you
 In a passion well induced by some iambic pentameter
 While she crouched in manner pleasing so to suffer much contusion
 And then anon to plunk it on some chilly double-seater
 Thus to drop my dear opponent in one glorious extrusion!
     Now this was not the first time
     Nor the second but the turd
     That these bisyllabic udderments
     Of cow partum were herd.)
 And lest some reader think that this description lacks decorum
 I hasten now to warn of such conclusions premature:
 In my family we despiseth arguments ad feminorem
 Never suffering another such a rudeness to endure.

 These seething imprecations, incorrect and maladroit,
 Lead the argument "ad feminorem" almost from the start: 
 "Femino", Latin novices, still seated in short pant
 Will not translate to "feminine" nor otherwise supplant
 In any conjugation of the fairer constitution
 "Femina" meaning woman, "femino" means "self pollution".

Punctuation being least of all the violence in your verse To refactor, you've become brunt of your own familial curse, Despised by all your tribe, you'll win no friends with your declension For "rem" is single masculine, as you'll stay I've apprehension Until classical intent meets high-class form in future lyric No classy broad would touch this with a many meter stick.

PoemWiki is a stylish and a noble avocation Yet by dueling with our verses we've achieved but altercation; Pray continue our discussions now in words more kind and graceful And select some rhymed allusions less extreme and better tasteful; For shameless picking on your grammar without praising content per se, E'en I've stained this page's premise in a manner arsey versey!

 Congratulations, learned friend!  You've taken all the piss
 From out our argumenta [sic] ad matrem hominis.
 And all is much improved since you chose to air your qualm
 (We realized in afterthought we'd meant "ad feminAM").
 But when it comes to femmes I think your point is rendered moot
 By recess of their plumbing, how they do themselves pollute.

Do tell us if persistence on this subject make you teary Ere trickling our thoughts on this instinctum micturire... (Ho! Nothing on this earth could scarcely make a man much madder Than MentalStateCalledFlow that yields to interrupting bladder.)

[One moment please.]

* * *

And when with bladders slack our sense of humour cease to issue We gentlemen abhor all diseconomy of tissue. While unlike us of higher aim (endowed with fire hosen), For her the rolls of double-ply are cheaper by the dozen.

Before we get all bound up in a mess that's foul and sticky Let's lift our nose and sing a toast to "Viva PoemWiki!", A prayer to help the verses flow as sweet as light molasses And damn yer eyes if e'er ye dare refactor our emphasis.

 As I wandered, feeling icky, through the labyrinth of Wiki,
 Pondering many a page of ThreadMess, XP and refactoring lore,
 While I web-browsed, sometimes stressing, suddenly there came a blessing,
 Like an angel's hand caressing, pushing back that boredom sore - 
 "'Tis a joyful page," I marvelled, "have I time to read some more?
 WikiWiki, I need more!"

Deep into WardsWiki turning, RecentChangesJunkie yearning, Soon again I yearned nepenthe somewhat stronger than before. "Surely," said I, "there are pages that will last throughout the ages - That won't drive me into rages? Something I've not seen before? Something fresh, of method novel, not created heretofore? Patterns, methods, show me more."

Came joy to the situation: RefactorNotMyPunctuation! The balm to soothe away frustration! Holding breath, I scrolled for more - A splendid sequence of invention for anonymous contention Over wiki prose intentions: wordage-duel, lyric-war; Here's to hoping that these authors have some further jousts in store. PoemWiki evermore!

CategoryRefactoring, CategoryWhimsy

EditText of this page (last edited July 27, 2008) or FindPage with title or text search