I passed this tip on to an expectant father. He later referred to it as my parenting pattern. So here it is in the form ...
Mothers are inclined to accept all responsibility for the care of newborn
children. This remains true even with negotiated sharing like trading
diaper duty. In time the endless responsibility will become overbearing.
Fathers should take total
responsibility for their children
at regular intervals. Many fathers that share chores equitably do so
only when reminded by the mother, which is to fail to offer relief from
And to open an old can of worms, perhaps we need to describe BabySitting?
as an AntiPattern
. Total responsibility means just that: if you call it babysitting, then you're not wholly responsible. Caretaking doesn't count.
Perhaps this belongs in a PartnerPatternsLanguage
? Sure would have saved me a lot of grief in my marriage. And could also be a gentler (and more humorous) introduction to patterns than examples from architecture.
"Who will babysit the babysitters?" --JelloBiafra
"POD" or ParentOnDuty?
is often used when ResponsibilityRelief
specifically applies to childcare, especially when there are more than 2 adults available to take turns. These are sometimes communal homes or polyamorous families, but couples also often use it because it so clearly locates responsibility and transfer of responsibility. "Who is currently the Parent On Duty?" --AlanHamilton
Many times ResponsibilityRelief
can only be achieved by having that party remove themselves from the environment of kids and ParentOnDuty?
. Sometimes the reassurance "yes, the kids will be fine for the next couple of hours while you're out" is required. --RobinWindels?
And stop calling. You're not "on duty." ;->
Part of a potential PartnerPatternsLanguage